Are we safe anymore?

Are we safe anymore?

I wanna say it’s not true, are we safe anymore?  bullets flying in and out through the main room doors. Just say it’s not true, parents see and hear that their kids are gone,  the pacing of hearts, their minds racing, they don't know what to do. Imagine the pain of seeing your classmates go, they look the same but it’s not them. Meaning the trauma that was inflicted into these childrens innocent minds alters them in a way that is unseen; they won’t live the same  living in constant fear of the event occurring again. Trauma.

Trauma. You don’t gotta cry but imagine the kids' fear, them hearing those loud noises and hearing the bullets ricochet off the walls of the neighbors. All huddled in a dark room that was once warm and vibrant that has now gone cold. Screams and then silence and while all that occurring you sit in silence trying your best, trying your best to hold your breath because if you don't your next. The teachers not wasting a breath to protect and save lives of the kids that they didn’t even know, Throwing their bodies in front of the bullets that were flying through the air, covering the children with a shield of their own body in order to deny. Put some respect on their names. They put themselves up as a target to make it even, they didn’t need a good reason to put themselves in the way of danger to protect kids they didn't even know. 

Now let's sit in silence as the wind blows.

Are we safe anymore? The parents now fear sending their offspring to school in worry of danger occurring, dreading every text from their wondering if it's just about school or if they are in harm's way, the kids having to spend everyday in school wondering if it’s their last, the parents ready to make it there fast. 

And thank you to all of the teachers who are there for the students, who lost their lives due to these terrible tragedies, only to imagine how they feel. The ones who survived won't be the same after the things they witnessed. It’s okay to be okay and it’s okay to not be.

I’m still over here that I’m still in high school. Are we safe anymore? Can we trust anymore? Will the schools protect us from these terrible people? Will brothers, sisters, mothers, daughters, fathers make it home? Or will they have to go to their second one? I sit in fear, now regretting that I wasn't scared because I thought it wouldn’t be big, but the events have latched on like a tick. I thank God because I could've been crawling out from the bleachers yelling out to the police for help, because before I couldn't even yelp in fear of my life that was at stake. 

What about the ones who lost their lives, what they thought in their last moments Hearing the sound of that door bursting open. Seeing that weapon in the threat's hand and looking for a first line of defense. What about the ones that couldn't comprehend? Meaning they were laughing and playing and they didn’t know what was going on, shots rang out and their heavenly souls were with the lord. “Mommy i'm scared” protrudes the fear in which one felt. The last text that was sent to a parent who couldn’t see their daughter anymore. Imagine! Imagine that pain! Schools are “welcome to all” but take no precaution at all.  

Now a little girl hates herself for being alive after her friend was taken, looking at herself in the mirror asking 

“why couldn’t it have been me” 

Now that little boy who was full of light and spirit wants to kill himself and explore the dark, he’s gone cold and his parents can't even get through to him.

Now a husband won’t have a beautiful Wife and his kids won't have a wonderful mother regretting not saying goodbye to her and that they loved one last time before she went off to work.

Now Kids, teens, and adults all over America are filled with worry, hurt, fear,. Because these holes in the schools have caused a tear in humanity.

Now silence lingers in the silent halls.

Less of “let’s pray for them” and more of “let’s do something about it” 

Say their names!

CASSIE BERNALL • STEVEN CURNOW • COREY DEPOOTER • KELLY FLEMING • MATTHEW KECHTER • DANIEL MAUSER • DANIEL ROHRBOUGH • WILLIAM DAVE SANDERS • RACHEL SCOTT • ISAIAH SHOELS • JOHN TOMLIN • LAUREN TOWNSEND • KYLE VELASQUEZ • DERRICK BRUN • DEWAYNE LEWIS • DARYL LUSSIER • CHASE LUSSIER • NEVA ROGERS • CHANELLE ROSEBEAR • MICHELLE SIGANA • THURLENE STILLDAY • ALICIA WHITE • NAOMI ROSE EBERSOL • MARIAN STOLTZFUS FISHER • LENA ZOOK MILLER • MARY LIZ MILLER • ANNA MAE STOLTZFUS • ROSS ALAMEDDINE • JAMIE BISHOP • BRIAN BLUHM • RYAN CLARK • AUSTIN CLOYD • JOCELYNE COUTURE-NOWAK • DANIEL PEREZ CUEVAS • KEVIN GRANATA • MATTHEW GWALTNEY • CAITLIN HAMMAREN • JEREMY HERBSTRITT • RACHAEL HILL • EMILY HILSCHER • MATTHEW LA PORTE • JARRETT LANE • HENRY LEE • LIVIU LIBRESCU • PARTAHI LOMBANTORUAN • LAUREN MCCAIN • DANIEL O'NEIL • JUAN RAMON ORTIZ • G.V. PALANIVEL • MINAL PANCHAL • ERIN PETERSON • MICHAEL POHLE • JULIA PRYDE • MARY READ • REEMA SAMAHA • WALEED MOHAMED SHAALAN • LESLIE SHERMAN • MAXINE TURNER • NICOLE WHITE • GAYLE DUBOWSKI • CATALINA GARCIA • JULIANNA GEHANT • RYANNE MACE • DANIEL PARMENTER • TSHERING BHUTIA • DORIS CHIBUKO • SONAM CHOEDON • GRACE KIM - KATLEEN PING • JUDITH SEYMOUR • LYDIA SIM

• CHARLOTTE HELEN BACON • DANIEL BARDEN • RACHEL D'AVINO • OLIVIA ROSE ENGEL • JOSEPHINE GAY • DAWN HOCHSPRUNG •

CHRISTOPHER ROSS

MICHAELS-MARTINEZ • WEIHAN WANG • VERONIKA WEISS • SHAYLEE CHUCKULNASKIT • ANDREW FRYBERG • ZOE GALASSO • GIA SORIANO • LUCERO ALCARAZ • TREVEN TAYLOR ANSPACH • REBECKA ANN CARNES • QUINN GLEN COOPER • KIM SALTMARSH DIETZ

• LUCAS EIBEL • JASON DALE JOHNSON • LAWRENCE LEVINE • SARENA DAWN MOORE • ALYSSA ALHADEFF • MARTIN DUQUE ANGUIANO • SCOTT BEIGEL • NICHOLAS DWORET • AARON FEIS • JAIME GUTTENBERG • CHRISTOPHER HIXON • LUKE HOYER • CARA LOUGHRAN • GINA MONTALTO • JOAQUIN OLIVER • ALAINA PETTY • MEADOW POLLACK • HELENA RAMSAY • ALEX SCHACHTER •

CARMEN SCHENTRUP • PETER WANG •JARED BLACK • SHANA FISHER • CHRISTIAN RILEY GARCIA • KYLE MCLEOD • ANN PERKINS • ANGELIQUE RAMIREZ • SABIKA SHEIKH • CHRIS STONE • CYNTHIA TISDALE • KIMBERLY VAUGHAN • MADISYN BALDWIN • TATE MYRE

• JUSTIN SHILLING • HANA ST. JULIANA • NEVAEH BRAVO • JACKLYN CAZARES • MAKENNA LEE ELROD • JOSE FLORES JR. • IRMA GARCIA • UZIYAH GARCIA • ELIANA "ELLIE" GARCIA • AMERIE JO GARZA • XAVIER LOPEZ • JAYCE CARMELO LUEVANOS • TESS MARIE MATA • MIRANDA MATHIS • EVA MIRELES • ALITHIA RAMIREZ • ANNABELLE GUADALUPE RODRIGUEZ • MAITE YULEANA RODRÍGUEZ • ALEXANDRIA "LEXI" ANIYAH RUBIO • LAYLA SALAZAR • JAILAH NICOLE SILGUERO • ELIAHANA CRUZ TORRES • ROJELIO TORRES

JESSE LEWIS • ANA GRACE • NOAH POZNER • JACK PINTO •VICTORIA SOTO • BENJAMIN • DYLAN HOCKLEY • CAROLINE

The things that develop

The things that develop.

The feelings I can’t describe overpower my will to thrive, issues after issues. Please let me get a tissue, wipe away my flaws and maybe I’ll be useful for a better cause. Rather than sulking in my own despair of my own mistakes that took place, maybe I’m not enough, maybe I’m not who I thought I was.

Thinking and thinking I’m thinking I’m alright but maybe I’m mistaken, maybe I’m fooling myself into believing I don’t want any type of assistance when it comes to the sputters of overthinking my mind inflicts. They come in waves of cliques pushing and pushing making false thoughts become reality.  Then I get to feeling cowardly, but again am I who I think I am?

Maybe I’m not a man yet, maybe I’m just a boy who needs a certain guidance or the rules I’m not abiding by. Just an ignorant fool who can’t seem to think straight.

It’s crazy that those thoughts hit me like a freight train, the sense of a weight that won’t go away, the heart feeling as low as if in a grave all caged up by an overwhelment of emotions, living off of tokens given by those who inspire.

But maybe I am who I believe to be and not just some wannabe, maybe the intrusion of thoughts are just waves of weakness in the mind that I’m leaving behind. Maybe, just maybe I fought that battle with myself and overcame thyself. And now what’s left is an improved and renewed man who’s ready to take on the rays of hatred, attacks, fear, anger, tests, love, heartbreak, lust, it’s all no longer. Because now I am stronger.

Daffodil Field

Daffodil field

There was a field of flowers which was widely known for its beauty. 

The yellow daffodils that shine bright like the morning light when your parent wakes you up from your slumber. 

When you see the vibrant yellow petals they put a smile on your face and you feel a sense of profound inner warmth.

It’s the kind of place where you would go to forgive and forget, the everlasting presence of where the daffodils shine. 

It’s a place that appears if you believe in your heart, daffodil field is in your heart.

There was a boy who sat all alone by the creek, it was flowing with red roses and the beauty of the flowers flowing in the subtle wind in the back. The trickles of warmth the water inflicted when it flourished on his skin caused him to forget, 

To seeming to forget the reality of where problems reside, he’s taken an eternal peace in daffodil field.

You look all around and you see the employees of the world running around with a great youthful joy,the displaying of laughter echoes throughout the field deteriorating any sense of darkness that tries to blend in. In daffodil field your soul's light is found.

I then look all around, my soul is sound, and then the World goes quiet. 

Daffodil field has taken effect.

Yeah I’m tough!

Violence. Foolishness. Ignorance. Is what my definition of toughness used to be. You see i thought that I had to show no weakness, to “fight to show masculinity” to show that

I’m, in newer terms “that guy.”

but no, not no more. It’s gets to a point where you realize all that you called toughness was insecurity, fighting for a spot in people’s eyes that showed them I’m tough. But it was too much, I’ve had enough. Real masculinity is settling back and being your authentic self and not stunt for others, being masculine isn’t throwing yourself out there trying to prove something to people, proving things to yourself is all you need.

You don’t need validation from others to know who YOU are, you should know yourself more than others do. The real definition of toughness isn’t fighting, talking shit, and being a fool. It’s when you take a step up that stool, to the next level to elevate yourself, it’s where you take devastation head on and turn it into realization. Toughness is when you grow from your mistakes, removing yourself from negative crowds and surrounding yourself with love and positivity.

Toughness isn’t gang banging or danger displaying

it’s not “you better not fuck with me or Ima hurt you”, it’s not being the biggest on the earth like David and Goliath. In that story the tough actor got defeated by the authentic one.

Now I think back, back to that freshman who was out to prove something through violence, and who knew that would be the end. The end of an era of fakeness and onto an era of a new toughness, not the violent toughness but the real toughness. I can finally say “Yeah I am tough!” Because at the end of the day the real toughness was growing beyond the dirt I was stuck in.

-Robert Jordan

Pirates upon the vessel

pirates upon the vessel

It’s time to lock yourself away, away from the pirates that have onboarded the vessel.

They don’t care where they swing, just as long as they damage you. Hurry away there’s pirates aboard the vessel tonight.

The love you once had for your vessel, will soon flourish in an instant, because of the pirates upon the vessel.

Just when you thought the attack was finished more cone through, it’s just a repeated cycle for more harm to be done to you.

Look out there’s pirates upon the vessel.

Love if you’re real come lift me, from all the pain and despair,  it’s getting to where it’s too much to bear. Now I sit here in fear, the fear of becoming as a stone where no emotions show. No bright colors but just existence. The persistence of the pirates aiming for the heart of the vessel.

That’ll be the results if the pirates keep attacking the vessel.

The pirates, they’re so awfully greedy some come in forms of angels like Lucifer does at your highest.

But in the end they turn that switch, that terrible switch where, you don’t even know them.

“Are they the same when you met? “You question, and that’s when you’re deep in no man’s land. You can’t return, they already got that hold.

They then thrash you, they slash you, they use and abuse you. Beating you as if you were some alien that invaded the space. You are scared to realize, that you are a victim of their attack and yet.. you still have love for them?

They then vanish as if they didn’t know you, and then you’re left with a hole in your heart, questioning your character, hating yourself asking “WHY DID I LET THEM!” Out of pure fury.

All because of the pirates that were upon the vessel.

When Swans Weep

Find if you will the picture, of you and I engaged in a kiss.

I thought the Toxicness wouldn’t bother me, but boy was I wrong. Can you my darling?  can you picture this?

Fall into of a dream of a field of grass, an ocean of roses and blues. Then suddenly catching fire between the heat, the heat between me and you.

How can you just leave me standing in a lonely world that’s so cold. Maybe I’m just too demanding, maybe I’m the one who’s too bold.

Maybe you’re  just like my mother, she’s never satisfied. Why do we go back and forth with each other. This is what looks like.

This is what it looks like when swans weep

No, this can’t be. No.

Now I remember my stomach, how it felt when it trembled inside. Every time I came around you like my soul was telling me no.

Don’t make me chase you, even swans have pride.

You left with no explanation, maybe it’s not me who’s bold. Maybe it’s not you who’s the victim, but the one who inflicted the hurt.

Now what I called “love” makes sense now it was attachment that was caused by trauma.

The trauma caused by a coyote who incapacitated a swan.

When a swan weeps he shall see the truth and suffer no more.

— Robert Jordan

Note from author: if you ever go through toxicity or narcissism from your relationships constantly. It’s best to get away from that situation asap, before they create that trauma bond on you. Leave them before they leave you. So you won’t have to go through the hurt.