Piece of the Puzzle (WR)

piece of the puzzle

"To get ahead you gotta work twice as hard for half the reward", these were the words that resonated within me spoken by my Grandpa. It forever changed my perspective on life and work and helped me come to the realization that I couldn't be a piece of the puzzle for what white America expects of me, I have to create my own puzzle and identify for my future. I vowed to never entrap myself in the cycle of incarceration and to be the light and justice for my community. 

Oftentimes, growing up, I didn't see myself as a black and asian kid. I didn't see how I was any different than everyone else. I didn't realize the nuances of blackness. When I sat in the classroom I saw myself as equal to everyone else, even though this was not true. As a child on the playground I found myself playing basketball on the blacktop court, I wanted to fly like LeBron, shoot like Paul Pierce. These were the figures I saw, but what I didn't know is that I could be more than a basketball player. I all knew was that they, like me, had brown skin. They were my superheroes, and for many other black boys, that was making it. Becoming an NBA player, an NFL player, becoming the next Usain Bolt. I too wanted to become an NBA player, days on the playground spent shooting, one on ones and knockout.  What our elementary school minds didn't understand was that athletics as a black man doesn't have a safety net, if one day our knee snapped the reality would be that we would have no guidance, no way of life without sports. Oftentimes black boys' futures for themselves are limited, they don't see representation in the media, or in real life. One day while my friend and I were playing amongst ourselves we were going through our typical 1v1 banter, what I didn't know was that it would be my first real experience of racism. We were written up for inappropriate behavior and language, what was that you may ask? We were telling each other to "shut up". We were one of only 3 black boys in our grade at our school, and at the time we didn't realize that as black boys and men, we have to work twice as hard as everyone for half. We didn't know that we have an automatic target on our back because the expectations for black kids are to be unruly, aggressive and loud. We didn't know that to them, we weren't anything but two future trouble makers. 

As a preteen, I started to better understand what role my race played in my life, and I hated it. I wanted so badly just to be the same as the White boys I grew up with. I denounced my Blackness, and tried to remove myself from its culture. Little did I know that my Blackness was a logo, and despite how hard I tried, I would never be the same as everyone else. As I sat at the table full of 6th grade white boys who did no more than tolerate me, a phrase was said that has stuck with me since then. "You're one of the good ones, Micah". What I didn't know with my 6th grade mind was that not only was this a backhanded compliment, it was racism. I wanted so much to be a puzzle piece that could fit in with them, but my rough and mismatched sides would never allow for that. This phase is one that has layers to it, the first layer being that you're one of them. The second being that the exceptions of Black kids are so low that it is considered an anomaly to be as "civilized" as them. The third being that I wasn't truly one of them, it was still acknowledging my Blackness, but my proximity to Whiteness made me passable, allowed me to fit in. What my 6th grade mind couldn't comprehend is that peeling off my logo wasn't going to make me fit the piece of the puzzle.

As a teenager, I started to acknowledge my blackness but just like before it came at the expense of my character and knowledge of oneself. I wanted to make up for lost years, I was black and that meant I had to be with my people. This mindset is an after effect of segregation in America, kids self separating themselves but not truly knowing why. I found myself still feeling like I did not truly fulfill my role as a puzzle piece, I still felt out of place. I remember my first time hearing the phrase white washed. "Mike, you lowkey whitewashed" were the words that came out of my friend's mouth one summer day. I didn't understand the nuance of the phrase. I was whitewashed but what does it mean to be white washed? Is it proximity to whiteness, is it denouncing oneself in favor of supremacy? The answer is that it's complicated. To me whitewashing isn't an intentional way of living, it's a byproduct of white supremacy. Many black kids who grow up in proximity to white kids feel like they're out of place, so imitating their behavior is the only way to be passable, to be safe. It's the same in the Black community, many boys grow up doing the things that make them passable. Putting on a facade of what they see it means to be a Black man or woman. To survive, is the human condition but true liberation isn't within stereotypes or imitation it's finding oneself BY yourself. 

Today, I've found that I shouldn't be a piece of someone or something else's puzzle but I should be many pieces of the puzzle I've paved and created for myself. You should be the foundation for YOU not for white folks, not for Black folks, without loving yourself and finding peace of mind you'll never finish your puzzle of personality, of love, of self. Then are you truly a piece of the puzzle.

copyright © micah hill 2024

Blackness (SW)

Blackness

institutionalized

made to believe that self worth is street rank

kept in cells as new enslavement

gerrymandered and redlined

to keep us behind

tales to keep us second class mankind

disconnected like a phone off the hook

black above reality

blackness is against legality

monarchy and oligarchy galore

those at bottom designed to stay poor  

manipulated

warped black reality

made our communities urban

infiltrated our groups and tried to destroy the black nation

this skin makes us less, unless its the slave trade

afraid of supposed black domination

change the history, distort the truth

try to indoctrinate impressionable white youth

cycle

this never ending loop of poverty

my communities filled with crime and crack

under ronald reagans sovenrty

killed our leaders, murdered the troop

take out the head and who’s running the group

put supremacy in power and divide and keep the loop

kill our people in the street hands up don’t shoot

this skin means power, power to be

to be great

but instead we embody the crime rate

this generational hatred

jim crow taking shape

we shall come together and slay all the hate

and one day we shall all truly, be free

Imperfectly Perfect (WR)

Imperfectly Perfect

my struggle with self-image is a never-ending losing battle, often times i feel insufficient. every picture taken of me seems to emphasize my flaws, my clef lip, my crooked nose, my acne. theres an always ringing voice in my head heckling me telling me I’m ugly, telling me to fix my nose, the remaining resonance of my middle school years, being the butt of every joke, every sly comment. comments that still haunt me to this day. but as I have gotten older I have realized that I’m imperfectly perfect, I’ve learned to embrace my flaws as these are things I cannot control, so it is foolish to dwell on them. I’ve come to the realization that I’m imperfectly perfect, that even though my nose may be crooked it’s perfect that way. I’ve come to realize that I’m imperfectly perfect, sure my face is covered in acne but that it is perfect that way. I’ve come to realize that comparison is the thief of joy and that the grass is always greener on the other side, if I was granted the wishes of these dream features I would still be wishing for more, wishing I was more attractive. this never-ending battle with self-image is remedied by my “perfection”. those comments that haunt me are beginning to be background noise in a tunnel filled with negativity and society’s ideals of masculinity, with me being able to push my way past and make it to the other side with space and daylight. the peace of mind and tranquility that come with being imperfectly perfect, knowing that no matter how you look there is always people who love you for who you are, able to look past your imperfections, I believe is the highlight of the human condition and is indicative of the pure natural state of humans, filled with love and companionship.

copyright © micah hill 2024

Music (PM)

music

music inspires us

it reignites the fire in us

it transcends race

it tiptoes past culture

it makes us forget our virtues

music is to supposed to inspire

instead its added fuel to the fire

black boys not going any higher

when the status-quo is 223s and trees

when the art is telling us that the life we're living ain't free

the truth is loss of soul comes with a fee

while white politicians look at black youth with glee

no longer do they have to apartheid or genocide

when we're doing it to ourselves

body's stacked in droves

because of greediness and loathe

hate in our communities, division

blue vs red, your side, my side fatal collision

many fail to understand the human condition

when i was a kid i listened to music and wished my hair was fine like justin bieber's

preconditioned to hate oneself

as a teen i listened to music and wished i had the abrasiveness and audacity of kanye

preconditioned to berate and negate my existence

music transcends time

music reignites the desire in us

music lights the fire in us

so why is it that we aren't getting any higher?

copyright © micah hill 2024

Youth (PM)

Youth

I sometimes miss the innocence of childhood

the way the sun shined and reflected off my skin

the way the spokes on my bike cranked and twisted

the way i laughed carefree

the way i built connections

hours on end spent in a state of peace of mind

the blueness of my being

the youthfulness of my disposition

i sometimes miss the late summers with ice cream melting in my hands

the way i viewed the world

the way my imagination ran wild

my state of youthfulness cut short by wickedness

cut short by misplacement of anger

cut short by the projection of the shortcomings of man

cut short by the face of evilness

cut short by the figure who is ordained to protect

as sudden as the cycle of the seasons passing, my season of youth passed

no longer with an optimistic overview of the world

no longer carefree, and exuding of creativity

it seemed as if the sun was dimmer and the wickedness of the shortcoming of man had consumed me

i soon became the killer of youthfulness

the face of evilness

the misplacement of anger

the trap of masculinity i had fallen into, in the shadow of wickedness

what i had grown up with disdain for, i had become.

copyright © micah hill 2024

Moonlight (WR)

Moonlight

There’s an age-old saying “In the moonlight, black boys look blue”. In essence, this means that despite society’s low expectations for black men, and despite the fact that many black men are viewed as aggressive, hyper-masculine figures, there’s still tenderness and tranquility in every black man. Blue means peace, something that isn’t portrayed in media, we see the typical strict black dad, we see the angry, abusive, toxic masculine dad. Often times black boys are the most intimidating in the room by default, this is the world standard for us. Often times when we walk into a store we are immediately suspects. Often times black boys grow up, but the environment they grow up in is telling them that they aren’t man enough, they’re too feminine, they aren’t black enough, they aren’t hard enough and these kids fall into the trap of trying to portray a character. An attempt at making them passable, an attempt at surviving, because as a black man that’s the only option you’re given.  I have a different approach to masculinity and that is I believe that blue shouldn’t just be showcased at night, black boys should look blue at all times. Blueness isn’t a temporary condition, it is indicative of the struggle that they grow up with, the ability to stay strong, when times are hard, when the father isn’t present and the mother is struggling, the boy shows compassion and tenderness.  have a revision to this adage “Outside black boys look black but in reality they’re blue”.

copyright © micah hill 2024

World Power (SW)

world power

it must be nice to be a world power

children who hope and dream for futures of wealth

children who go to school each day with clouds of peace and air of tranquility

children who have days filled with play and joy

it must be nice to be a world power

adults who are hopeful for tomorrow

adults who go to sleep at night in the safety and comfort of their bed

adults who have been shielded from war their entire life

adults who know where their children are

it must be nice to be a world power

a congress who's agenda is to ban social media platforms and regress back to pre-cold war politics

a congress who's more worried about identity politics than the protection of women's rights

a congress who allows supremacy to be showcased and reverberated through the streets and halls of capitol hill

it must be nice being a world power

while children are crying and in fear of death at every turn of their world

every street corner being a possible strike

every place of worship being a possible graveyard

every home a target

it must be nice being a world power

while children may never see their parents again are singing "inshallah I will see my parents again"

the images of genocide forever drawn in their minds

it must be nice being a world power

children so desensitized to violence it has become daily reality

adults who are killed while providing aid

government who want nothing more than to destroy the other side

in a world filled with hate i choose peace

in a world filled with genocide i choose peace

in a world filled with fear i choose peace

it is not gaza or israel, it is people vs people and the sooner we realize this less blood will be on our hands

the children of tomorrow will flourish and grow up in an environment where they too can dream

in a time of uncertainty we must choose peace

in a time of unrest we must humanize one another

in a time of genocide we must remember our similarities

world power or not we all drip the same color

copyright 2024 © micah hill

Ammunition (PM)

ammunition by micah hill

in war ammunition means death

in battles ammunition means destruction

ammunition being the bridge between life and death

ammunition being the destroyer of man

ammunition once fired cannot be unfired

ammunition once fired cannot be forgotten

ammunition is the tongue

the tongue being the gate between thoughts and words

the tongue is a powerful weapon

words that cannot be unsaid

words that cannot be forgotten

the bridge between peace and conflict

control is key with ammunition

if you allow it to fire, destruction is inevitable

we must put our mouths on safety

we must uncock our tongue and take our teeth off of the trigger

for our tongue wields more power than any firearm

copyright micah hill 2024 ©

Lines (PM)

lines

lines divide

lines redefine

what it means to be

one side be the difference between right and wrong

the stories of genocide all singing the same song

reinforcing what we knew all along

nationalism be damned

he knows she knows what’s best for the nation

lines divide

lines collide

lines redefine

lines split africa to and fro

railroad track made from negro skin and bone

the same man who tried to end the black nation

the same ones who claim democracy the revelation

the ones who are the goodest and everyone evil

the ones who’s the civilized no one else equal

lines divide

lines collide

lines redefine

lines decide

who’s legal, who’s passable

who’s feeble and laughable

they choose the civil to uncivil

the discrepancy between a patriot and a deviant

the difference between the aggressive and the lenient

round em up and cage should they be disobedient

lines divide

lines collide

lines redefine

lines decide

lines tell lies

we’re the good guys, the allies

you the terrorists, the bad guys

we the oppressed, look at the children’s cries

while the other side has loss 10 times the size

fed them propaganda, fed them lies

while countries watch from front row seats and do nothing to subsidize or minimize the tragedy

rulers of our nation who are half asleep

insulate to the terror, loiters to the accident

lines make us forget humanity

lines make us forget our sanity

lines make us feel vanity

for foolish things

lines

copyright 2024 © micah hill